Language of Juan

As I'm a SITT (officially now), I use acronyms a lot. It's in my nature. Along with that I might use terms that can be a little difficult to get your head around regionally speaking. So I thought I'd create a glossary to help things along. None of this is for effect. I spend so much time online that this stuff actually seeps into conversation, I can't help it and I type how I speak. I usually get a lot of confused looks.

The vast majority of this stuff is from an obscure, once mighty web community called buzzez. The origins of which can be traced back as far as alt.cars.lotus on usenet. ACL split and many of its users went to the British Cars BBS (GJOBs), the others ended up as a bunch of misfits called buzzez (us). Over time BCBBS sort of became SELOC and buzzez became FTLOG (For the Love Of God) or TOP (The Other Place) then finally TOOP (The Other Other Place. Still commonly referred to as buzzez even though it isn't). SELOC has gone from strength to strength as a popular board for Lotus enthusiasts. TOOP is basically a few of us reminiscing about the old days whilst driving German barges. We miss buzzez.

Acronyms, expressions and old buzzezisms

  • GJOB (Garage Jewelry Owning Bastard) - Originally a term used for people who'd rather polish a car than drive it. Though we all have a bit of GJOB within us. The act of GJOBbing is what you'd think. It refers to excessively cleaning a car. These days I believe people call it 'detailing'
  • CBA - Can't / Can Be Arsed. English expression for can't be bothered. Context is usually obvious from how it's used
  • Ding - I agree. Came from an IM client
  • Jam - I don't know
  • Nail - Any Caterfield or something generally unreliable
  • Tow Nail - A nail used for towing
  • Caterfield - A car based around the Lotus 7
  • Beard - Someone adept with a spanner. They usually own a nail of some description. Beardiness can be used as a reference to mechanical ability. If someone is very beardy, then they may be some kind of mechanical god
  • Bearding - The act of spannering something
  • Geekery - Computer bearding
  • Merkin - Actually predates Dubya's 'I am a merkin' thing, by just being a commonly used shortening of American. It is also a pubic wig
  • SITT (Speccy IT Twat) - Used in reference to anyone working in IT, speccy or not
  • Barge - A large, usually family-sized, car
  • TNB (Turbo Nutter Barge) - Subaru Impreza / Mitsubishi Evo / Nissan Skyline / etc
  • TDF (Taiwanese Ditch Finders) - Concrete compound cheap tires (think Nangkang) that offer bugger all grip but fantastic longevity. Generally cost peanuts and are great for gooning
  • TFFAB (Too Fat For A Bedford) - Refers to the time both myself and Ethel (Nick Milton, called Ethel because he didn't have a nickname. It stuck) tried to get into Donkey's (Dr Dave Higgs, he keeps donkeys...) Formula Vauxhall Lotus (aka, the Bedford). We were unsuccessful
  • TFFAB Club - A club whose only known members are myself and Ethel. Like fight club, we don't talk about TFFAB Club
  • Spacking - A somewhat politically incorrect word which in buzzez speak actually means to ponder endlessly. It's origin can be traced back to Jackie Spanner (aka Jackal and a million other psudonyms) who would ponder things, endlessly...
  • Pikey - Cheap / scruffy / substandard. Also a derogatory term for a Romany travelling person
  • Swan - Expensive / posh / flash. Andrew D is the poster boy for swan
  • FLW (Fog Light Wanker) - People who have their front fog lights on when it isn't foggy
  • MGB (Money Grabbing Bastard) - J5
  • Furtive - To get something from A to B via buzzers. Also a buzzer
  • Gooning - Not to be confused with drifting. Gooning is about skidding around in track oriented cars. It predates this whole fad of spamming up TNBs specifically for the purpose of driving them sideways
  • Spamming - The act of sticking tat to a car (spoilers / stickers / zorsts / air filters / etc). A car equipped with excessive amounts of tat is known as a Spam Chariot
  • Pramming - The act of leaving in a strop over something. Comes from throwing your toys out of the pram. eg, Q: Where's Stu & Trilby? A: They prammed it
  • Buzzez - *wipes tear*. A short buzzez history from 2004. The original buzzez FAQ
  • Buzzer - A frequenter of buzzez
  • Cleggy - A friend of Juan. Handy with a spray can and a bit beardy
  • TMBA (Too Many Bloody Acronyms) - There are /Yoda
  • /name - Used at the end of a sentence (see above) to infer who it was spoken by or the manner in which it should be spoken in your head
  • ** - Used in lieu of an appropriate smiley, anything enclosed in asterisks implys an action, for example: *rubs chin*, *farts loudly*, *scratches balls*, etc
  • -age - The -age suffix dates back to buzzez. It's used a lot on just about everything
  • [+] (Thumbs up) - good / excellent / well done / congrats / cool. Can be doubled for effect [+][+]
  • [-] (Thumbs down) - bad / poor / shit / oh dear / uncool. Can be doubled for effect [-][-]
  • Foobed - Broken. A spoken shortening of FUBAR (Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition) that has crept into text
  • Shat/Shite - Like Eskimo's have many words for snow, in Yorkshire we have many words for shit
  • Yorkshire (pronounced york-sher not york-shy-er) - Essentially the most awesome place on planet earth. In my limited travels outside Yorkshire, Holland comes a close second. I suspect most of Scandinavia is fairly awesome and would like to visit New Zealand as it's allegedly like Yorkshire in the 50's. Also Japan for being completely barking mad. America scares me on many levels, though when I was there I got to shoot guns, which was pretty awesome to be fair.

    Pet names for cars

  • The PPE - It was originally a short name for my purple Westfield Cosworth. It was a play on the Caterham JPE, but with mine being purple. It didn't stand for anything in particular and not the Purple People Eater as is often thought
  • The Bathtub - Or BBT for Blue Bathtub. Successor to the PPE
  • The Uber Barge - The Merc
  • The Scoob - My old Impreza
  • The Mr 2 (pronounced Mister Two) - My old Toyota MR2
  • The Radish - Colin's old Radical Clubsport


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